Thank You For Saving My Life

Hi Sebastian,

So first of all, it was really nice to talk on Hangout yesterday. Watching this young dude flip out during the interview made me realize how much I have changed since we first met, one year ago.

I was going to get an internship at a big audit firm. I was going to wear a suit and work long hours for a small pay with guys who were probably as skeptical as I was at the idea of filling spreadsheets and drawing Powerpoint presentations all day long.

And when I got back to Paris, I was going to work for a consulting firm. But then I saw this guy, my interviewer, at the firm’s offices. He was amazingly bright. He was so sharp that I felt like a total idiot. But he looked bored, he looked dead inside. And I couldn’t do that. I just couldn’t. And I failed the test, obviously. I wasn’t hungry enough.

I wasn’t because I am not the person I was last year. My life has changed so much that I am no longer able to follow the path. I can no longer accept the undisputed evidence that we have to walk in line and wait for our turn because it is safe, because it is what people do. I want my turn to come now.

This is also the reason why I refused the startup job. The one where the CEO wanted to pay me half the minimum wage for doing his work.

Since I decided not to work in audit, there hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t learned something fantastic.

Right now, I am an unemployed student. I have zero fucking euros on my bank account (jeez, even less than this). I have no title, no official skills, no company to back my unknown name. I have no 5 years plan, definitely no 10 years plan. (How can you plan the next ten years without having a stroke?)

But every day I wake up. I see the sun through the window, I feel this raw morning energy and I feel like I own the world. And nothing can break this feeling. Because I do what I love, and what I love is to live my own life.

Remember when you put me in front of this Chase VP banker to negotiate a line of credit? I had barely stepped foot on the US soil, my English was terrible, and so was his. I wish I had recorded this conversation. It was pure nonsense for fifteen minutes, as none of us understood what the other one was saying.

But that was fun.

You don’t need to be a 40 year old VP to talk to a banker. Nor do you need to be an expert to start a company, write a book, dance or just be good to people.

Since last year, I have learned how a company works. I have learned to know, respect and understand people. I have learned that they can be happy after all, and that the models that I got were not representative of how life can and should be.

I have started a blog, I read two hours and write tens of ideas a day, I am learning how to code and I have workout every single day. I have cleaned the mess in my personal life, to get closer to the person that I want to be. It took time, and pain, but it’s for the best.

I have so many ideas of things that I want to do that I would like to have ten bodies so I could do them all.

I am no longer afraid of anyone, for no one can take back the fact that I love my life. I fucking love my life.

I started giving to people without keeping score, just like you did with me. And people give back, they do.

I started helping young people to find jobs like the one you gave me. I want my generation to break free from the path they’ve been walking on their whole life. There is no point in waiting for things to come, because timing will always be wrong, and the world is changing.

There is a point, however, in doing whatever we want to do, without regretting the past or worrying about the future. Without time travelling. There is a point in questioning the undisputed evidence and walking away from the expected path.

It’s funny how small decisions can affect your life.

For all of this, I wanted to say thank you, Sebastian.

For the trust and confidence you put in me when I needed it, for the smile you manage to keep when piles of shit are raining from the sky, and for the genuine help you provide to people. I am sure they will give it back to you in a thousand amazing ways.

You might not be the best at micro-managing, but you are the best macro-manager that I ever met with.

I will be eternally grateful, for you helped change my life forever.

Go Scalr!

OpenStack summit with Scalr

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Life at the Buddhist Camp

In 1995, my mother decided to leave Paris and brought me with her to a Buddhist camp, in the Alps. I was three years old. My parents had already broken up so my dad remained in Paris.

Let me take you on a trip down memory lane!

Welcome to Disney Land

Have you seen the movie “The Beach”? Do you remember how Leonardo DiCaprio is living the dream as he steps foot on this wonderful secret island? That’s what we got, at first. The place was beautiful. It smelled like freedom, it felt quiet and good. People thought of themselves as different. They had developed a unique relationship with time. No capitalism there! You worked for the community, and the community helped you. My mom was employed there as a designer for their monthly magazine.

We had a small wooden house, so small that we slept in the same bed. My mother loved the place and she was involved in various activities. I remember that once, I woke up alone in the house, in the morning. I ran around the the entire camp in panic, shouting and sobbing. She was at the temple, meditating. They used to do this a lot, meditate. Meditate. How does it sound?

A True Fairy Tale

It sounds weird. Weird like Asian people working in the kitchens, without knowledge of French, without passports. Weird like a spiritual guide who likes to pop drugs and have sex with the newcomers. Bitter, like this question that still haunts my thoughts, 15 years after: “what about mom?” It sounds weird like a hundred happy faces, wandering in the camp, shaking hands and talking spirituality, when almost half of them had done some time in a mental facility. Everybody carries baggage, but theirs were of the heavy type.

At some point my mother had a boyfriend who looked like Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins. He was really nice and talked in a smooth, almost creepy voice. However, he didn’t want to drive a car, which used to annoy my mom. Why didn’t he want to drive? A few years before this he was in another car with his fiancee, the love of his life, when they got into a car accident. He made it, she didn’t. Of course, he was driving. This guy meditated a lot, too.

I remember this nice couple who had just had a son. He must be around fifteen now. His family collapsed when he was still a baby. Was it because the spiritual guide had sex with his mom in front of his father? The father was a fragile guy. I heard later that while performing, the guide was telling him: “elevate your mind”. They all meditated a lot, too.

I grew up surrounded by people who talked about how bad the outside world was. A whole society of men and women who had created their fantasy world and wanted to stick with it, no matter the cost.

Don’t Get Stuck in your Buddhist Camp

The world is full of Buddhist Camps, of people living in closed environments who don’t want to pay attention to what’s outside. They don’t see the dark side of their fantasy. They’re fine with it as long as it enables their dream to live longer. It took my mom ten years, multiple lawsuits and a few crazy moments to get out of this trap.

I have come a long way since then. Now that I think about it, I realize how much I owe these people. They changed my life. They made me understand early that I had to move fast and never stop. They showed me the damage that getting stuck in one world can do to your life.

We all have our comfort zones, it’s hard to break away from them. Those things seem obvious to us, so we don’t question them, we get blinded. Sometimes, breaking free is the only way to see things the way they truly are. If I could give one single piece of advice to the people I care about, it would be this: “don’t get stuck in your buddhist camp.”

I hope I won’t.